Random

           
                 We live spending most of our time worrying. For what has been, what is happening and especially what should happen. We live everyday haunted by fears, afraid of the things that may come with the things that we do. Or have done. I've lived my whole life feeling exactly like that. And it gets worse when you find yourself worrying about what might be inevitable. What might happen where there's nothing you can do to prevent it. It gets worse when you have to watch it. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. At some point in each of your lives, the inevitable happened and you couldn't do anything about it.

                 I used to always believe somehow, that there was always at least something I could do to change things, or prevent it. Its like your future. You know you can control what will be if you studied for your exams, got good grades and got into a great university. But what we always fail to see is what might happen if something unusual happens. Something you'd never have thought of. Something that sweeps you off your feet and knocks the breath out of you even if you had plans to back you up. Or plans you thought could've backed you up. That feeling of helplessness as you lose control of what you thought you had in your hands. But believe me as you read this. Never ever let that fear keep you from chasing your dreams. Getting to where you want. Or even trying to do something about it. Otherwise, regret comes in and kicks helplessness out.

               You may be able to live with helplessness because you know he never stays for long. As soon as you gain control of the situation you're in, he has to move out because he knows he doesn't have a part to play any longer. But if, somehow, you never took that step be it to chase down your dreams or to prevent mishaps, regret kicks down the door and storms in to gain control. And there will always be the big WHAT IF that'll hang around inside of you. Its like a quote I stumbled upon :

"Its been said that the saddest things a man will ever face is "what might've been"."

           Which is why as I've said, never let the fear of falling get to you. Don't let words break you, do not let them put you in doubt. Live as if you never want to regret what might've been. Even if one day, the choice you make brings something bad. Because along the way, as you took the step forward, you were happy. You'd look back and think "At least I was brave enough to take the step", "Without making the move, I wouldn't be here today" or even "At least I had good times with the step I took". If anything, live your life to the fullest. Try things you've always wanted to. Because you, only have one go at this life you're living. Just don't go around doing something stupid that'll affect others making them miserable.

With this, I end this post with a song. Enjoy :) Life may suck at times, but remember that there will always be good times. That there will always be an end to sadness. 

When I was young I knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, no

I can't be held responsible, 'cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I can not believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen 

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept
And now he's guilt-stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept, he says

Pre-Chorus 
Chorus 

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt-stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

As always,
Adrian

FEAR

Fear.

An emotion induced by a perceived threat.

Its the way a person views it that defines how strong the word is, how important it is, how it affects that person.

Honestly, the way I see it, I see fear as an element we all need in our lives. Because without it, we won't get anywhere. We'd always be in the same place, satisfied and ignorant. Fear makes us human. Fear makes us humble. With fear, we become weak. But also with fear, we gain strength. Fear shows us what we are capable of and the way I see it, we are capable of anything. Nothing is impossible. Its like how fear holds us down and brings us to our knees only till we make the choice to fight back, to conquer our own fears.

On a completely random note, I find it really appealing when someone overcomes their fear/ fights back for another. For example, if A were to have a fear of height but suppresses it/overcomes it for B in order for something else to happen, I think that what A has done proves just how much B means to A. Sweet isn't it? But it's probably just that dreamy part of me I have somewhere inside me. Blame it on the amount of romance/chick lits I read *sigh*
To end this completely random post, I give you, Supremacy by Muse. Enjoy ;)
Anyways, like I said, fear humbles us as we fear and also as we remember the fears we had that we have overcome. And fear gives us strength. So yeah! Never be afraid to fear! (See what I did there? Laughs alone, in my room, on this quiet quiet night, where its dark outside and someone, just someone, might be staring)

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do - Eleanor Roosevelt"


To end this completely random post, I give you, Supremacy by Muse. Enjoy ;)

Wake to see, your true emancipation
Is a fantasy.
Policies, have risen up and overcome the brave. 
Greatness dies, unsung and lost,
Invisible to history.
Embedded spies, brainwashing our
Children to be mean.

You don’t have long
I am on to you.
The time, it has come to destroy 
Your supremacy.

You don’t have long
I am on to you.
The time, it has come to destroy 
Your supremacy.

As always,
Adrian x)

There and back again :)

Its been so long since I last updated my blog and I apologise for that :/ Life's been getting to me lately and I've been so busy.. So yeah, lets move on to what's been happening recently.

Firstly, I've been so busy with work mainly because of the workers we have who screw up with the projects they handle. But then again, everyone's bound to make mistakes right? :) I live by this sorta saying I've made up that goes like 'Everyone's bound to make mistakes. But if the same mistakes are repeated, the one who's at fault would be you, who did it again' lol. Its kinda true isn't it? We should never live bound by our mistakes but then again, they should serve as reminders so we wouldn't repeat them again. Live high, live mighty, live righteously as quoted by Jason Mraz. Don't live in the past or the future. But rather, enjoy what you do and what you have now as it shapes what will come :)

Moving on, I've been really really wrapped up in books for the past few weeks. From reading online books through 'WattPad' to triologies. Been really obsessed at reading Eragon and the books that continue after finally getting the first and second book from Oliver. Bless him for lending me the books I've long since wanted to read. Well, just so you know, the story wraps around this boy who finds a dragon egg and sets on a quest for vengance which lead him into politics and deeper complications in the ever changing events that alter world peace in Alagaesia, the name of their world. Recommended for those who enjoy romance, adventure and fantasy all mixed up :)

Also, I finally bought the 'The lucky one by Nicholas Sparks' which I've really wanted to read since the movie's coming out soon :) Can't wait for the movie ( Hope it doesn't disappoint me ) since I'm a sucker for chick flicks & reads :D

And no, there's nothing wrong about being a fan of chick flicks. It actually gives hope that everyone can have  their own story-like life. Everyone's unique in a way right? :) So then again, nothing's ever boring even if you see your story that way. All you've to do is change your perspective of things :)

Anyways, I just came back from the airport after flying back from Miri, where I went to visit my aunt & family and also to look for options for courses that would interest me.. I'd say, I'm looking forward to being able to get away from where I am. A change is what I need. A good change.. To be able to run from the things that hold me down. A fresh new start :) The thought of it sometimes scares me 'cause we never know where I would end up a few years from now. And making this decision would most probably be the reason I'd be where I'd be in the future... But then again, let's enjoy/savour the moment while we can, right? Live life  to the fullest with no regrets :) I've played my part in caring for those I care for :)

I'm excited for what's ahead :)

That's all I've to say for now, I guess. Heh. And now, I choose to end this post with this amazing song I heard on the radio just now. One of the best duets just yet. Ladies and gentleman, Chris Botti and Michael Bublé :) 

As Always,
Adrian x)

Waiting for that day to come :)

       I know, after all that's happened, it would be hard to let me in again into her life, but yeah, I'll do whatever it takes to tear down those walls that she's put up. And I'm mostly sorry for not making it seem like I was there for you all the time. I wanted to play this song for you but with everything that's happened, I guess I still won't be able to, for you, just yet. So yeah, till the day comes where I'll sing you this song :) 

Another song ( All over again ) - Justin Timberlake

Standard Tuning

Intro:
E F#m7 Abm C (2x)

E                Abm/B
You've been alone
                  C#m
You've been afraid
                Cmaj7
I've been a fool

In so many ways
    B  A     Abm/B  F#m
But I would change my life
    B   A      Abm       F#m
If you thought you might try love me

E           Ab/B
So please give me another chance
      C#m
To write you another song
           C
And take back those things I've done
      B    A    Abm   F#m
Cause I'll give you my heart
    B  A      Abm    F#m              E
If you would let me start all over again

E              Abm/B
I'm not a saint
              C#m
I'm just a man
                      Cmaj7
Who had Heaven and Earth in the palm of his hand
    B  A    Abm/B F#m
But I threw it away 
       B   A    Abm  F#m
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness

And if you could just

E         Abm/B
Please give me another chance
         C#m
To write you another song
             C
And take back those things I've done
      B    A    Abm   F#m
Cause I'll give you my heart
     B  A    Abm    F#m                E
If you would let me start all over again

C#m
Little girl, you're all I've got
C                             E          F#m
Don't you leave me standing here once again
      B    A    Abm      F#m
Cause I'll give you my whole life (yes I would)
     B A     Abm    F#m
If you would let me try to love you

E
So please give me another chance
F#m7
To write you another song
        C
And take back those things I've done
      B    A    Abm F#m
Cause I'll give you my heart
     B  A    Abm   F#m                 E
If you would let me start all over again
F#m7
Again oh
Abm
No no
C
Oh oh

E                      F#m7
You know I love you yeah
                    Abm
Give me one more chance
    C
No No
        E
No No No No

P.s. - I was always there, always will be.
As Always,
Adrian x)

She says

This post's gonna be simple, so yeah, I hope you guys like this song. Well, I've a very very dear friend of mine who's been having more of her 'downs' rather than her 'ups' lately. Just wanted to dedicate these two songs to her. She means a lot to me. And it'd mean a lot to me to see her smile again. 

She Says - Howie Day.

Intro: Cadd9      C      Cmaj7      C      Cadd9      C      Cmaj7      C
 Verse:Cadd9      C      Cmaj7      C      Cadd9      C      Cmaj7      C
             Asus2     Am      Asus4     Am      Cadd9      C      Cmaj7      C
Sweet is the sight
Of her room
Window open by candlelight
How would you know?
Cold winter on the shore
Chills the dress she wore
It's on the floor
Still it feels so warm...today
                     F        G        C     Am
 And that's why I'm wondering why you had to tell me
 F      G     C          Am             F
 What's going on in your head, what's wrong,
         G        C       Am         F        G      Am   Asus2
 Come around to another time when you don't have to run
           F                  G
  And when she says she wants somebody else
              Am                      C
  I hope you know that she doesn't mean you and
        F                    G
  When she breaks down and makes a sound
               Am                    C   Em, F, C, Em, F
  You'll never hear her the way that I do
         
Swing into flight
Over hills...
Over her hills, it's twilight
Yeah, I guess that's right now
While were here
Tell me why it's so funny
That you're so funny when you're mad
Always so mad...so mad
                     F        G        C     Am
 And that's why I'm wondering why you had to tell me
 F      G     C          Am             F
 What's going on in your head, what's wrong,
         G        C       Am         F        G      Am   Asus2
 Come around to another time when you don't have to run
           F                  G
  And when she says she wants somebody else
              Am                      C
  I hope you know that she doesn't mean you and
        F                    G
  When she breaks down and makes a sound
               Am                    C
  You'll never hear her the way that I do
            F                 G
  And when she says she wants someone to love
              Am                     C
  I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
            F                     G
  And when she breaks down and lets you down
              Am                C   Em, F, G, Am
  I hope you know she doesn't mean you
          Em        F
Yeah and I don't know where
 G        Am
Come and find me
Em       F
I don't know what
      G      Am
We're coming to and
Em       F
I don't know what
     G      Am
It means to me and
 Em        F
You don't know what
    G        Am        Em, F, G, Am(X4) Em, F, Cadd9, C, Cmaj7, C, Cadd9, C, Cmaj7
It means to you

Chords courtesy of  http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com

As Always,
Adrian x)

Randomness is I

Hey all, :)
Today's been all well to me :) I got my first paycheck, a new capo, a new watch and a text that I've been waiting for for so long.

Firstly, on the paycheck, as you all know, I'm working with my dad as a partner in the company now :) Its a metalworks company and we deal with making gates, fences, grilles and so on. Its a really good business providing you know how to manage it of course. Lol. I didn't really expect the paycheck 'cause I expected dad to pay the workers at the factory first. So yeah. Was really surprised when he passed me my shit. Lol.

Secondly, my new capo ( actually Aaron's capo ) was brought back by mom cause then previous time she went to K.L, she brought back some of his stuff. Yippee!! Now at least I can play my songs better. Especially the song in this post.

Thirdly, A NEW WATCH x) which was at first a gift for Aaron from his friends but since he didn't like it, ITS MINE. hahahahaha! And it looks pretty neat too. Took me an hour to adjust the bands so it would fit my wrist. Lol. This is it!




















It looks complicated at first but once you get the way it tells the time, its really easy! :)

Lastly, well, there's this someone i've been dying to contact for awhile now. But yeah, its either that 'someone' makes the first move or nothing ever happens. I hate my ego. I feel crappy :( Been feeling this emptiness inside of me and well, now you know why... I miss my best friend. But yeah, it seems like the way I feel isn't appropriate, so, best thing to do now, try to move on. Sigh.

NOW, for the song :)

Its a really sweet song and I swear I'll definitely play it for HER one day. Anytime she wants me to :)
Love the MV btw, one of the best I've watched so far :) Enjoy!

Chords courtesy of Ultimateguitar.com

CAPO 8 (or 9, whichever you prefer)
CHORDS: G - 320033
        D - 000232
        Cadd9 - 032030
        Em7 - 022033

Intro: G, D, Cadd9, D

G   D
Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance.
Cadd9           D 
I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down.
G     D
Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet.
Cadd9          D
Give it a try, it'll be alright.


Em7
The room's hush, hush,
G
And now's our moment.
Cadd9
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Em7          Cadd9
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
G
We're doing this right.


G   
Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.
D
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.
Cadd9    D
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.
G
And every heart in the room will melt,
D
This is a feeling I've never felt but,
Cadd9             D
It's oh, oh, all about us.


G      D
Suddenly, I'm feeling brave.
Cadd9  
Don't know what's got into me,
 D
Why I feel this way.
G  D
Can we dance, real slow?
Cadd9    D
Can I hold you, real close?


Em7
The room's hush, hush,
G
And now's our moment.
Cadd9
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Em7          Cadd9
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
G
We're doing this right.


G   
Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.
D
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.
Cadd9    D
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.
G
And every heart in the room will melt,
D
This is a feeling I've never felt but,
Cadd9             D
It's oh, oh, all about us.


Em7
Do you hear that love?
Cadd9
They're playing our song.
G
Do you think we're ready?
Cadd9
Oh I'm really feeling it.
Em7        Cadd9
Do you hear that love?
G
Do you hear that love?


Em7
Do you hear that love?
Cadd9
They're playing our song.
G
Do you think we're ready yet?
Cadd9
Love I'm really feeling it.
Em7        Cadd9
Do you hear that love?
G
Do you hear that love?


Em7
Do you hear that love?
Cadd9
They're playing our song.
G
Do you think we're ready?
Cadd9
Oh I'm really feeling it.
Em7        Cadd9
Do you hear that love?
G
Do you hear that love?


G
Lovers dance when they're feeling in love.
D           Cadd9
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.
D
It's all, all, all, all.
G
Every heart in the room will melt,
D        Cadd9
This is a feeling I've never felt, but
                 D
It's all, all about us.


G
Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.
D
Spotlight shinning, it's all about us.
Cadd9    D
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, all, about uh, uh, uh, uh, us.
(hey-ey hey)
G
And every heart in the room will melt,
D       Cadd9
This is a feeling I've never felt but,
Cadd9
It's oh, oh, all,
D
It's all about us.

As Always,
Adrian x)

A song for you

A song written. One I never managed to fully express to you. Here goes.

Verse:
I'd wake up to these thoughts of you,
The moment the day brightens up with lights.
Anxiously I'm waiting for, the time when I would look into those eyes.

Bridge
Each day as I try,
To find my way, to that place by your side
Do you know its hard,
When I'm holding in these feelings that grow
I just want you to know.

Chorus
Sometimes, when I change my point of view
Its hard cause it feels so right with you
I wonder if you'd have any clue, that
I'm here and i'm falling for you

If you would only realise,
How I'd wanna look into those eyes
And tell you that if feels so right with you
To tell you that I'm falling for you

Verse 2
As each day slowly passes by
I wonder if you'd be the one
Who'd fill these spaces, between these hands of mine.

Hope you guys like it :) Randomly wrote it. I don't think she remembers this, but yeah. Love the first verse. Constructive comments pleasseeee

As Always,
Adrian x)

Yes, you.

I thought that you'd be loving me.
I thought you were the one who'd stay forever.
But now forever's come and goneAnd I'm still here alone.

'Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.


[Chorus:]
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.

I thought that I'd be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heaven's gone away
And I'm out in the cold.

'Cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.
Guess I couldn't see it,
I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye.

[Chorus]

'Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you.

It was you who put those clouds around me.
It was you who made those tears fall down.
Only you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.


Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.



Sucks when you're left behind by the one person you expected to be by your side :'/

As Always,
Adrian x)

To celebrate or not to celebrate?

Hey all  :)
Sorry for the hiatus, i've been really busy lately and now only cause its nearing the holidays, I finally have the time to rest and to write again. I love writing, really. But sleep's much more important knowing that i've so much work to do and all. Like i've mentioned in the previous posts, i'm now working at my dad's metal work company as a sort of manager? Lol. But yeah, at first it did seem tiring but we do get used to things right? :) So now, i'm planning to probably get another job where i'll be working night shifts. Dad mentioned that we might have to cut back on our expenses in order to help my brother, but i thought to myself 'Instead of being so laid-back which makes us have to cut back on our expenses, why don't I work harder? That way, I'd have more to spend on and it'll help my family a lot too with me being able to support one way or another' So yeah, I've decided and i'm probably gonna take the job as a waiter in of the bars in town. The pay's apparently good so i'm sorta looking forward to it :) Just not looking forward to me being tired. Lol.

So anyways, the title says to celebrate or not to celebrate. Well, looking at my current situation, most people wouldn't expect me to. Cause my mom and sis wont be here as they will be in KL and since my brother has his 'situation'. But yeah, I know what my brother would want me doing :) He'd want me to not worry and have as much fun as I can *Hints - So that's what i'm doing* Lol.

Finally went shopping today though I only bought a buttoned-down shirt, white shorts, a belt and ANEWPAIROFCONVERSESNEAKERS :D Was so happy when I went around buying the things especially when I was buying my new shoes :D To be honest, I've been looking forward to this time of the year 'cause its like the only time of the year where I buy my 'Annual new converse sneakers' lol. Yes, I am a converse fanatic. I love the brand for their vintage designs and simplicity :) Odd match but they look really good to me :) So yeah, I'm mainly posting this up cause i'm so excited about my new shoes :) *I sound like a girl don't I?*

Anyways, many happy returns of the day to you readers and I wish you well! VALENTINES DAY IS COMING :) *Cause Chinese New Year's too mainstream* LOL.

Till my next post :) This is for you guys. A song I've been listening to a lot lately.

Courtesy of  http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/

James Morrison
You Make It Real For Me
=======================================================

Intro (2X):
Am G F C

Verse 1:
                C                Am  
There's so much craziness surrounding me
                F                G              
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
     Am     F                            C
When all my faith has gone you bring it back to me
Am          G        F   C
You make it real for me

             C              Am  
When I'm not sure of my priorities
               F                G  
When I've lost sight of where I meant to be
     Am   F              C
Like holy water washing over me 
Am          G        F   C
You make it real for me

Chorus:
    G     Am    F              C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am               F            C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am          F                C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am          G        F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Verse 2:
          C                    Am  
When my head is strong but my heart is weak
              F             G  
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
     Am      F                              C
When I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
Am          G        F   C
You make it real for me yeah

Chorus:
    G     Am    F              C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am               F            C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am          F                C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am          G        F   C
Cause you make it real for me 

Bridge:
G                           F                 C
    Everybody’s talking in words I don't understand
G                                    F              C
    You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
Em                                    F 
    You’re shining in the distance I hope I can make it through
           D                               G                                    
Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you 

------------NOTE: End Bridge on this chord:  (3-5-3-5-x-x)

Verse 3:
                 C              Am  
I guess there's so much more I have to learn
               F                          G  
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
        Am         F                     C
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run
Am             G        F   C
   You make it real for me 

Chorus:
    G     Am    F              C
And IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
G    Am               F            C
  Youuuuuuuuu are the only one who saved me
       G     Am          F                C
That's    whyyyyyyy I've been missing you lately
      Am          G        F   C
Cause you make it real for me 
Am          G        F   C
You make it real for me

Song reminds me of her.
As always,
Adrian x)

Dear Aaron,

Ever since we we're kids, being the older brother, pranking and bullying me sorta looked like it came first on your hobby list to me. But then, despite all that, I've always looked to you as any snotty nosed brother would, with respect, fear and awe. Lol. You were always unfair and you always got what you wanted.. Ever since we were young, I've always noted that you had a superiority-complex because you had always wanted to dominate in everything.

 Being so independent because you had to as an older brother, you managed to achieve the things you wanted to. I look up to you for that. And also for the fact that despite being mean 60% of the time when you're around me, I knew that you loved me a lot and that you cared. For that, I somehow always managed to forgive you even when you hurt me, physically and emotionally. Lol. But I guess that's what older brothers do. Toughen up your little brothers. Even till now, my friends tell me that I'd always look sorta intimidated when i'm around you. And that's probably cause of past issues and your stupid superiority-complex.

As a boy, I was always following you everywhere you went. Even if you were off doing mischievous things. Lol. That's cause you were the one person in the world I'd look up to. A role model.. And as the years passed by, through all anger I've built up from your bullying and superiority, I slowly came to despise moments when you were around me. You were my rival. I had to be better than you in everything cause I wanted to shove it in your face that I could be better than you. These were all during Form 1 up to Form 4. I've always despised you because whenever you were around, I'd hardly get my way in things I wanted to do.. But as I grew older, once again, I turned into that snotty nosed boy that admired you for achieving so much in your life.. I bragged to all my friends on your achievements trying to show them that I had such an awesome brother. Then, you had already moved away to K.L. to further your studies. Still, you were always my rival, someone I had to surpass in life to just feel better. Lol.

To be honest, even as I admired you and looked up to you, I always disliked it when you came back. Because when you did, my plans for myself always screwed up. Besides that, we'd always end up arguing with each other mainly because we have very very different point of views on things. It didn't matter if I was right, you always won. Lol. But even through all this, you were always there for me to get me back on my feet even if the ways you used were harsh. And for that, I owe you so much.

What kills me is that the last time you were back, I didn't even bother sending you off. What kills me even more were the last words I heard from you. When you called me last Friday night when I was at my youth gathering and because I had a dance session, I rushed when I talked to you.. Probably, I was the last person in our family you spoke to before what happened to you, happened to you... If I had the chance, I'd go back in time to warn you of what was gonna happen. To cherish our last conversation together... What hurts me so much inside is the fact that that would probably be the last conversation I'll ever have with you. Or probably that that conversation would be the only normal conversation we'd ever have.. Ughh... ( sis came into my room to check on me cause she heard the stupid noises I made )  I'm desperately trying so hard to be strong for her. To be a better older brother so she'd feel alright. So that I would be able to make her focus on other things. She's still so young and she still needs someone older to look to. I still do, and the fact that I've to be the one taking care of things back home scares me somehow. I wish you were here so I'd be able to ask you for advice. So I'd be able to argue with you. So I'd be able to shout at you for being stupid.. I'd take back all those times I was angry at you, all those words I said to anger you, just to have you safe back home.. Please please be alright :/ please please be safe.

Even if when I have other brothers out there, you'd be the only blood brother I have. The best one one could ever wish for. Irreplaceable. I wish I could see you right now, so I could stuff you up with all those chocolates you love and make your acne problem worse.

As always,
Adrian x)

Life so far..

How much more worse can things get?
2012 started badly this year in my opinion. First, Japan had an earthquake then recently, the flood scarred the hearts of us Kuchingnites by robbing us of two people who were dearly loved by some of us. But then, up till recently, on Saturday to be specific, the worst thing any brother can ever get came to me. And since then, life's been a living hell for me.

I was in church for the evening mass and coincidentally, I was late for mass.. Was feeling upset cause I don't like being late for things, then I got a call from my dad. At first I thought he just wanted to check up on me so I didn't answer the phone. Then, my mom called. Finding this peculiar, I answered the phone knowing if the both of them had to call me during mass, it had to be an emergency. Mom said something had happened and I had to go over to my uncle's place immediately. Alarmed, because of what happened recently with the floods, I thought an accident had happened, so then I rushed out of the church, ran to my car and drove as fast as I could to my uncle's house.

When I reached, Mom and Dad weren't there, so I had to wait. Aunt said something had happened to my brother which left me even more frightened because he stays in K.L. and we're so far away we can't really do anything. Just so you know, THAT was the worst 15 minutes of my life having to wait for my parents to reach to deliver the bad news. During that time, countless scenarios and possibilities came into my mind making me feel even worse... When my parents came, they delivered the bad news. Something had happened to my brother ( Classified ). When my dad finished talking, I just sat there dumbstruck ever so shocked that something so tragic could happen to me, to my family and especially to my brother. Throughout the whole talk, I was near tears trying to accept the fact that all of this is really happening. My only brother by blood in this world. There is a chance that I may never be able to see him again and to be honest, till now, I am still in shock still trying to see whats really real hoping that it was all just a bad joke/dream.

2 hours later, my parents were on the first ticket to K.L. leaving me to care for my sister, giving me the responsibilities they held. And that's how life has been till now. Me living only with my sister while my parents are there trying their best to get things right. I can't get a job now cause I'm now fully in charge of my dad's business which I've to watch over until God-knows-when they come back. I can't go to my church camp which   

I've been looking forward to for a year.. Its been 3 days since then and I'd barely managed to get sleep. So much pressure is on me and the fact that my life will never be the same anymore scares the hell out of me. I'm glad I've friends who support me even when I am unable to tell them what has truly happened. Life as it is was supposed to happen to me somewhere in the future, not now :( It feels like all the things I'm supposed to feel 15 years from now is all on me now.Oh dear God, I ask of you to provide me with strength and hope to endure this. I lift all that I have now up to you.

I love you Aaron and I hope, I pray you're alright over there. Please be safe :(

As always,
Adrian x)

New year? Hmmm

        Well, 2012's finally here and things are changing. Was hoping for a good start with everything and all but things turned unexpectedly bad :/ For one thing, I started the year like anyone would want to, dinner with le crush and then movie after that. But as the days went by, it continued raining and raining and  POOF! We had a flood. And the worst part about the flood was knowing that someone I knew was swept away by the current. Really tragic indeed.. Then again, you'd never truly know what comes and goes. Everything happens in His time.

The day started with me waking to check my phone only to find a text telling me something happened. An accident somewhere outside my previous school ( SMK Batu Lintang ) where someone I knew slipped and fell into a storm drain which had strong currents due to the flood. Immediately I got up trying to remember who she was and of course, I was really shocked when that person was someone I knew. Checked facebook and of course, there were 'reports' going on about the incident. Immediately, my mind relapsed into 'prayer' mode just praying that the victims would be alright. Checking facebook I was really touched/impressed with the groups who were immediately starting up vigils/prayers to pray for the two.

What I found intriguing was what I did when I found out about the accident. As I learnt about the accident, I started to notice my Bible sitting at the corner of my table, untouched after weeks not noticing it till I learnt about the the accident. Like they say 'One only looks for Him when bad things happen'. Then again, this was already on my mind for the past few months and only when this incident happened that I began to actually reflect on what was said. Not only that, another thought popped into my head when I saw people blaming God for this tragedy, mocking Him saying that He was cruel and all that for this.So then, this is for everyone.


Do not hate God when bad things happen. Do not blame Him. Have faith in Him.

Its funny that people start putting the blame on others when things go wrong instead of out-looking the problem and trying to solve it.


Then, later at night, I was very much disgusted by this 'Jonathan John Chin' guy who was criticising the victims of the accident that happened and of course, there was an uproar going about where people threatened to 'beat him up' if the saw him or anything. Of course, he apologized but then again, I don't think that settles anything. You can't take back the words you've said about those innocent victims you criticised. I really wonder what's gonna happen to him. And oh btw, I was one of those people who had intentions of breaking his leg if I ever did see him. Seriously? Who on earth goes on criticising others when they've done nothing to you. Again, I figured this was his plea for attention trying to get others to look at him. One word. Pathetic. But I guess what goes around comes around. You said it, you're gonna get it ;)

















So yeah, Kho Ying Qi and Herman Sihas, my heart goes out to you and I pray, I hope, you're alright out there somewhere. My prayers go out to those affected by this tragedy.
When all is lost, Faith, Hope and Love always remains.
To the victims, especially, Kho Ying Qi, I may have
only known you for a little bit and all but be rest assured, everyone's doing their best to get you home. Someone as joyful and funny as you should never have to go through this. Please, please be safe. Your loved ones are waiting for you.


A song for all those doing their parts to get things right : Switchfoot - We are one tonight.

Intro
G, D, Em7, C2


Em7
I'll rise
C
I'll fall
Em7 C2
I'll fail you all

Em          C
We built these cities to stand so tall
Em7      C2
We've lost our walls

D         Em7         C2
I don't want to lose it, coming down

With the whole world upside-down

D        Em7        C2
I don't have a soul to trust in now

With the whole world upside-down

Chorus :
G D Em7
We are one, tonight!
 C2
And we're singing it out!
G D Em7
We are one, tonight!
 C2
And we're dreaming out loud!
G D Em7
And the world is flawed
 C2
But these scars will heal
G          D     Em7
We are one, tonight!
C2
Tonight!
G        D Em7     C2
Tonight!

Em7
Two eyes
C
One tongue
Em7
I've come
C2
Undone

Em7
I'm no victim
C
I paid these dues
Em7   C2
I came to lose

D         Em7        C2
I don't want to fight about it now

With the whole world upside-down
D        Em7         C2
I don't have a soul to trust in, now

With the whole world upside-down

Chorus

D         Em7            C2
I don't want to lose a common ground

With the whole world upside-down
D        Em7         C2
I don't want to fight about it now

And the world was burning out

                 G
Let's slow the evening down
 D
Slow it down
     Em7        C2
Slow down
             G
Please slow down
D
Down
      Em7
Down
   C2
The stars are comin' out!

Chorus

2 corinthians 9 : 14 - And so with deep affection they will pray for you because of the extraordinary grace God has shown you.


As Always,
Adrian x)