Dear Aaron,

Ever since we we're kids, being the older brother, pranking and bullying me sorta looked like it came first on your hobby list to me. But then, despite all that, I've always looked to you as any snotty nosed brother would, with respect, fear and awe. Lol. You were always unfair and you always got what you wanted.. Ever since we were young, I've always noted that you had a superiority-complex because you had always wanted to dominate in everything.

 Being so independent because you had to as an older brother, you managed to achieve the things you wanted to. I look up to you for that. And also for the fact that despite being mean 60% of the time when you're around me, I knew that you loved me a lot and that you cared. For that, I somehow always managed to forgive you even when you hurt me, physically and emotionally. Lol. But I guess that's what older brothers do. Toughen up your little brothers. Even till now, my friends tell me that I'd always look sorta intimidated when i'm around you. And that's probably cause of past issues and your stupid superiority-complex.

As a boy, I was always following you everywhere you went. Even if you were off doing mischievous things. Lol. That's cause you were the one person in the world I'd look up to. A role model.. And as the years passed by, through all anger I've built up from your bullying and superiority, I slowly came to despise moments when you were around me. You were my rival. I had to be better than you in everything cause I wanted to shove it in your face that I could be better than you. These were all during Form 1 up to Form 4. I've always despised you because whenever you were around, I'd hardly get my way in things I wanted to do.. But as I grew older, once again, I turned into that snotty nosed boy that admired you for achieving so much in your life.. I bragged to all my friends on your achievements trying to show them that I had such an awesome brother. Then, you had already moved away to K.L. to further your studies. Still, you were always my rival, someone I had to surpass in life to just feel better. Lol.

To be honest, even as I admired you and looked up to you, I always disliked it when you came back. Because when you did, my plans for myself always screwed up. Besides that, we'd always end up arguing with each other mainly because we have very very different point of views on things. It didn't matter if I was right, you always won. Lol. But even through all this, you were always there for me to get me back on my feet even if the ways you used were harsh. And for that, I owe you so much.

What kills me is that the last time you were back, I didn't even bother sending you off. What kills me even more were the last words I heard from you. When you called me last Friday night when I was at my youth gathering and because I had a dance session, I rushed when I talked to you.. Probably, I was the last person in our family you spoke to before what happened to you, happened to you... If I had the chance, I'd go back in time to warn you of what was gonna happen. To cherish our last conversation together... What hurts me so much inside is the fact that that would probably be the last conversation I'll ever have with you. Or probably that that conversation would be the only normal conversation we'd ever have.. Ughh... ( sis came into my room to check on me cause she heard the stupid noises I made )  I'm desperately trying so hard to be strong for her. To be a better older brother so she'd feel alright. So that I would be able to make her focus on other things. She's still so young and she still needs someone older to look to. I still do, and the fact that I've to be the one taking care of things back home scares me somehow. I wish you were here so I'd be able to ask you for advice. So I'd be able to argue with you. So I'd be able to shout at you for being stupid.. I'd take back all those times I was angry at you, all those words I said to anger you, just to have you safe back home.. Please please be alright :/ please please be safe.

Even if when I have other brothers out there, you'd be the only blood brother I have. The best one one could ever wish for. Irreplaceable. I wish I could see you right now, so I could stuff you up with all those chocolates you love and make your acne problem worse.

As always,
Adrian x)